and if you take my hand my son, all will be well when the day is done

Friday, 01/29/16, 9:35am

There's a lot going on right now. Nasser leaves for India tomorrow for a week. My sister and her fam just got back from South Korea, which is awesome. On a crappy note though, my parents had to leave town this week because my aunt, my mom's sister, is suddenly on the last days of her life. She's been fighting cancer for several years now, and now they say her organs will start shutting down shortly. It sucks. She lives in Michigan, so unless I decide to travel there just me and kids, I won't be seeing her again. I feel really helpless in that situation.

Now through tomorrow afternoon, though, things should be ok. Nasser is coming home early today, we have some nice plans with family and friends through the process of him leaving tomorrow.

I had a breakdown last night, mostly about Nasser's trip. I was supposed to go climbing with a few friends, but my anxiety/panic then depression attack screwed that up. And of course I felt ashamed that I couldn't recover and go. I'm doing better today, but I feel like I'm on the brink everytime Nasser's trip enters my brain. Rationally I know that I worry way more than necessary, and I usually end up ok on his trips. Maybe because he's going so far away this time and maybe because it's his longest business trip yet, this trip feels different.

On another downer note, RG has been reading these books lately, called "I survived...". He read "I survived Hurricane Katrina" first, and his second one was "I survived the September 11, 2001 attacks". Whew, that was a tough one. Of course it sparked a bit of discussion about it yesterday afternoon. It was a really tough conversation, because I wanted to convey so many things about it to him. I wanted to make him understand that it was a big, tough time for our country. I wanted him to have a grasp of the meaning of terrorism. I wanted him to understand that there were a lot of people who helped and that there were a lot of people who helped but didn't survive and that there were a lot of people who helped and are now dying years later due to the affects of what they breathed in those days. Obviously, I couldn't get through it without choking up several times. But I thought it was also important that he see that. TK got his first exposure to us talking about it yesterday, but he still doesn't understand most of it.

It sucks to raise children and have them start to understand the bad parts of our world. And the sad parts. But then there's all the good parts. I guess it's important to raise them with the understanding that there are both and I suppose if we go back to what we learned from the Daring Greatly book (hah, as discussed in some detail here, here, here, and especially here), the only way for our children to live wholeheartedly is to understand the bad stuff in addition to the good stuff. I've told them some about my aunt, it's not something I want to shield from them but I also don't want to spark a big worry about death. Lots of balance in life, I guess.

I'm going to end this post with song lyrics for an entire song now, ones that seem so relevant to this discussion. My favorite version of this song is Peter, Paul, and Mary's, although it ends a bit too exciting for my taste. This is one of those "hippy" songs I sing to my kids sometimes at bedtime.

DAY IS DONE
Peter Yarrow -Silver Dawn Music - ASCAP

Tell me why you're crying, my son
I know you're frightened, like everyone
Is it the thunder in the distance you fear?
Will it help if I stay very near?
I am here.

Refrain:
And if you take my hand my son
All will be well when the day is done.
And if you take my hand my son
All will be well when the day is done.
Day is done, Day is done
Day is done, Day is done

Do you ask why I'm sighing, my son?
You shall inherit what mankind has done.
In a world filled with sorrow and woe
If you ask me why this is so, I really don't know.

(Refrain)

Tell me why you're smiling my son
Is there a secret you can tell everyone?
Do you know more than men that are wise?
Can you see what we all must disguise
through your loving eyes?

(Refrain)