Oh. My. Gosh. Breathe.
Overwhelming feelings of depression have now hit twice today, but I'm working towards a second recovery. The first was this morning, after breakfast, while we were packing up, getting ready to leave from our most wonderful weekend with friends. I'll talk about that more later. I didn't sleep well last night, had another case of insomnia, between about midnight and 2am-ish. I think I've figured out the trend, since this has happened the last several Sundays. I think I'm getting anxiety about the weekend ending, about the week starting up again. It's minor anxiety, but enough to keep me awake. But, now that I'm aware of it, I can do some things to prevent it. As the weekend dies down, have less caffeine, find some more naturally sleep-inducing foods/beverages on Sunday evenings, take an anti-anxiety pill or melatonin if necessary. Sweet, I have a plan.
Let's talk about the depression too, shall we? Man I'm a mess of nerves, anxiety, and depression sometimes.
This morning, it really hit me that our fabulous, and I really mean fabulous, weekend was coming to an end, and I had to, we all had to, go back to reality. It hit a little bit last night, since 2 of our friends already left, but when there were only 6 of us left this morning at breakfast, and then it was time to pack, it really set in. Plus I was crazy tired from said insomnia. Anyway, the depression this morning only took about 20 minutes out of my life but I was a wreck of tears and heavy breathing hiding in the bed. Dear friends who were with us, did you even know? Or maybe afterward, I didn't hide it as well as I thought. But then, I really did recover. It wasn't really a matter of hiding it, I was able to breathe and stop crying and recognize that it's ok, it's normal to be sad that our time with friends is ending... until next time. Because we did all decide that there will be a next time.
We said goodbye to the last of our friends this afternoon, and now I have to deal with the reality that Nasser leaves for San Diego late tonight. Whew, that is a quick turnaround for us. Poor TK, after Nasser picked up the boys from my parents' house and he found out that Daddy was leaving tonight, was a mess of tears as well for awhile. It's hard to stay strong for the kids, and I don't always. And the trips usually end of almost entirely fine, and I find support when I need it. But they're hard. And I worry about them way more than I should.
So when the depression hit again this afternoon, I decided that I needed to blog. It's been a little while, and although I haven't needed the therapeutic aspect of my blogging as much this weekend, because it was all really really great, I've kinda missed writing. It's true that you don't really realize how much you love something until you realize you miss it when it's gone.
And full recovery. #2 for the day. It is so awesome to be able to recover these days. By these days, I suppose I mean the past 2 years or so; prior to that, I didn't know how to recover without a full night's sleep. If I got depressed in the morning, it would last all day and I'd be requiring recovery methods all day to be better by the next morning. It was hard; I couldn't really keep commitments like I can more easily now.
So. The weekend. Like I said in a previous post, our friends on this trip were quite a mix of people, various friends of Nasser's and mine from different stages in our lives. I think almost all of us met at least one new person on the trip. And I think I can speak for the rest of the group that it was a wild success. We talked about making this a yearly event, like seriously talked about it. Makes me happy. :)
Finishing with a few shots from the trip, some of these I'm borrowing from friends.
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