Man it's been too long since I've blogged. It's been, what, four days, and part of me is like, wow, that is kinda a lot, but it probably doesn't sound like much to others. I guess it has been this regular activity in my life for the past couple months, and I know, very clearly now, and have for awhile, that it's a critical activity to keep regular. I don't do as well when I don't blog.
I think I had a bit of a "vulnerability hangover" (another term from Daring Greatly by Brené Brown) after sharing my depression and blog with my book club. A "vulnerability hangover" refers to how you feel after opening yourself up to someone, after daring greatly. There's a lot of feelings there. For me, I question whether or not I should have shared so much. I wonder if I shared too much. I questioned my blog and wondered if it really helps me. Or is it just another form of social media that can be toxic, like facebook (which I've stupidly rejoined- see my struggles about that here)?
But today as I started the blog post (and suddenly I realize it's been over an hour since I started because I was with the kids for awhile), I felt a sense of relief, of comfort, of coming home. I love my blog, even when I only write about how much I love it, and it helps me. It gives me something to hold on to.
My aunt died Sunday night. We knew it was going to happen, but then it really did. And there is no possible way for me to attend the wake and funeral. My sister, Vida, and brother, Andrew, will be able to make it out for the funeral at least, with a really quick trip. I feel so helpless here.
Nasser is in India; we've been video chatting with him most mornings and nights, at least briefly, during his nights and mornings. It's been really nice that we've been able to talk to him that often, although video chat can be challenging with the kids. They like to get silly and make faces since they can see themselves. Or they get bored with the video chat which makes me feel really bad. Today was a snow day so we actually got to talk to Nasser all together mid-morning when he was finally getting ready for bed. I think it's like a 12.5 hour time difference, which is a bit mind boggling to me. This morning, Tuesday night for him, he was the one who commented that I haven't been blogging, perhaps I should? Hence here I am, now 3 hours after I started this post. I guess that's how it is with kids.
Today turned out to be an ok day. When I talked with Nasser this morning, I was telling him how I've been not doing great, and I haven't felt productive, haven't worked out really. Since then though, I shoveled a LOT of snow with some help from the kids, we (mostly I) did a dance party for awhile, boys did light saber battles, they video chatted with their cousins, and we sledded.
We got about 12-14 inches of snow last night...
I haven't gotten a dedicated workout today, but between the shoveling, dance party, and sledding, I feel like I got a decent amount of activity in. For this week, it's gonna have to do. My expectations always have to lower when Nasser is out of town.
3 days down, 4 more to go. We can do this.
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