if I had a song, I'd sing it in the morning, I'd sing it in the evening

Saturday, 12/19/15, 4:46pm

It's an interesting kind of day today, some downs, but mostly ups. Or at least it looks that way because I'm doing well right now.

This morning, I got ridiculously mad at Nasser for (when looking at it more objectively now) some ridiculous reasons. He went into the study with TK to start doing kindergarten registration, a perfectly legitimate thing to do. I was mixing up some muffin batter for breakfast at the time and apparently got really mad at Nasser for disappearing. I started yelling at him from the kitchen, demanding "what are you doing?" and getting more and more worked up as I couldn't hear his responses over our Pandora music playing. The study has been a sore subject for us for awhile. It's been kinda the "junk room" for a long time, basically since we moved in to our house (which is 4 years this week, holy crap!). At least that's the way I view the room. Our desk and Nasser's computer (I call it his not because he doesn't let me use it- he does- but because he is one of those people who builds his own computers from the specific parts he picks out online) are in the study and Nasser has spent some happy hours in there (I don't say many hours because I don't let him play video games as much as he would like to I think).

Anyway, Nasser's computer was due for some upgrades (it really has been awhile since it was considered new) and he bought a few new parts. Our compromise on this was he had to do some study cleanup before he could put in the new parts. So he did. And I did. Quite a lot. But it's still not where I want it to be. So when he goes in there, even though it's on the main floor, I still feel like he's going into a black hole. For some weird reason (it's not the way I want it to be) I don't accept that room very well into the rest of the house. The other more real issue is that it's hard to talk to Nasser when he's in there from where I'm at. Since our house is rather "open floor plan", I can kinda talk to him from most parts of the house to most parts of the house. I can be in our bedroom upstairs with the door open, and still hear everything that's going on downstairs. I like it, and there are those few places in our house that are more private, harder to hear from, but the study is one of those places.

So this morning, I got mad at him for going into the study and not telling me that he was "going to disappear for awhile". We got through it ok but I was definitely down for a little while after that. I got a really nice long run (long for me) in today, actually my longest run of my life at 6.3 miles. I'm not much of a runner but I've been considering and thinking about some longer races next year. Mostly because I want to do longer triathlons. I did my first 2 triathlons this summer (I've done a couple relays before), but they were short. I'd like to get better and even more confident with the short ones as well, but I am loving having goals to work toward in my athleticism (for lack of a better word). I also did my first 10k this year which means so much to me because I had knee surgery almost 9 years ago and had sworn off running after that.

Today's run was... fantastic. I felt strong and confident running, not only was it my longest run, it was a run not a run/walk and on pavement (both successes for me after more recent injuries). I ran outside which was another bonus (I hate running on treadmills and usually avoid it at the expense of running). But... I also felt so much better after running. The endorphins do so much for me and I strongly believe today, made the difference between a mostly bad day and a mostly good day.

I'm so excited about our holiday break. But I always have to be careful about getting too excited about something. I tend to get myself high expectations that are never met. I'll form unintended expectations by thinking about the possible projects we could finish around the house while we're all home for 2 weeks. I think we'll try and talk about it as a family in the next day and maybe make a family list for what all we want to do over the next 2 weeks. That's good parenting advice too, make sure RG isn't expecting to get in X amount of time playing video games or something while Mom and Dad have totally different expectations. :)

Yeah. Today is really a pretty good day. I like good days.

I expect that the facebook hiatus I started last night is also helping my mood today. It feels good to not feel tied to that place. I call it a place, because that's kinda what it is, a virtual place. But it's nice to not be there. I've been curious at various points today, but have resisted the urge and laughed at myself instead.

I don't feel ready to share my blog on facebook, or the fact of my depression. But it is nice to be sharing this blog with some people, some people who have not journeyed with me on my depression rollercoaster before. I thank you people, my silent readers out there. I appreciate you journeying with me here.

You may have noticed that I've been enjoying making song lyrics my post titles. Maybe they fit the post, possibly they only fit in my head. I usually don't create the title until after I've written the blog post. I never really know where each post is going to take me (it's a fun ride I must say). Perhaps others have trouble making sense of it all, but they make sense to me. :)  Anyway, I have several song bits going through my head right now, but none of them quite fit... "pretty woman walking down the street, pretty woman"... "she's so high, high above me, she's so lovely"... apparently I'm feeling confident about me and my life right now... need something a little different though... got it...