Feminism has been on my mind lately between the latest book club book I read (The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah) and some conversations I've had with my sister-in-law, Laila. Growing up, I'm not sure that I would have called myself a feminist. I think I was, but I felt a stigma against being so. I feel like feminism is often misunderstood by non-feminists. Growing up, I thought that feminism had, I don't know, negative connotations for some reason. I was brought up a strict Catholic, and in that world, feminism doesn't mesh well (I say that not as a diss to Catholicism, but as the way I see it. Women can participate in different ways, but they are very specifically excluded from the priesthood. I don't envision the church changing enough any time soon to allow that, something that I will never understand).
My senior year of high school I took a Women's Studies class which had only just started being offered at my school. And for some ridiculous reason, I felt embarrassed to be taking it. It was a wonderful class; we learned, among other things, about the suffrage movement and influential women in history. I want to slap 16 year old me to pay attention in class and stop being embarrassed. Now, I would love to retake a class like that. One of the things that class tried to change our thinking on was our view of feminism. Wikipedia defines feminism as "a range of movements and ideologies that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve equal political, economic, cultural, personal, and social rights for women." What is there not to agree with in that definition?
Sidebar: when I went to look up the definition of feminism, I found a page open on my phone of an article I wanted to read, an NPR review of a movie about women's rights in Turkey. Maybe it's totally reasonable to call myself a feminist.
There's a page on Facebook I like called "A Mighty Girl" which often posts, well, mighty women and girls. I don't read every post and usually not the extra articles and links they include, but it's a nice way to appreciate the female race a little more on a regular basis. Reading about famous female scientists, mathematicians, engineers, computer scientists gives me hope for our future generations. I tend to think of the science and technology fields when I think of feminism, because well, I'm an engineer. My two older sisters and my mother-in-law are all engineers. Being in a male-dominated field has taught me to stand up for myself as a female. I wish I could say that the sexism I've seen being in engineering just brushes right off my back (and I'm working on that) but it's hard. It's frustrating and it's demeaning.
I've struggled with my own feminism. Showing it, sharing it, living it. I haven't successfully negotiated my way into a higher salary or more vacation time like many of my male counterparts, like I wanted to when offered jobs. I went to a part time schedule in my job so that I could better juggle the work and life balance. But I felt guilty for doing so. I felt like I should be proudly working full time to show everyone that women can hold their own in engineering. Then a couple months ago I decided to quit my job and become a full time stay at home mom. I think very highly of the other stay at home moms I know, and I can honestly say I don't judge them for their choice. And yet, I judge myself. I have the engineering degree(s) (bachelor's and master's), and here I am not using it, not making the female to male ratio in engineering better. But, I'm learning to stand by my decision and to understand that I'm also living my feminism by demonstrating my ability to choose. I choose to be in a different role right now to better support my family.
I guess part of staying at home with my kids is a journey to find myself a little more. Lately rather than work on chores around the house while TK plays nicely during the day, I find myself working on my blog more. Or my puzzle. Remember the puzzle I started awhile back? See progress below.
I felt a strong metaphor for my life coming on last night when I was working on my puzzle. It isn't necessarily easy and some of the pieces can get really jumbled up, but every piece of your life that you find its place, is a success, is an accomplishment. Sometimes the pieces just fall into place, and sometimes you spend a lot of time searching for a specific piece for a specific spot or a specific spot for a specific piece. I like working on my puzzle just a little bit here and there. I think I work on myself the same way. I have trouble getting through books on depression or my life very quickly. I need to slowly go through them, think about things and myself and my life, and sometimes put everything down for awhile because it can get so overwhelming.
And in the same spirit, that's enough blogging about myself for one day. Feminism to be continued another day.
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