she's running to stand... still

Sunday, 02/07/16, 11:19am

Apparently I set myself a self-destructive trap. As usual, I set high expectations for Nasser coming home and the day after he gets back being perfect. And the kids being perfect and happy because Daddy's home. And now here I am, we got in some stupid fight, Nasser is on edge because of the jetlag, and I'm left feeling like the scum of the earth and I want today to just go away.

I was excited about today. About Nasser being home, about the Superbowl (even though I'm not really into football), about it being a weekend day, about fitting in a run (yeah, when's that going to happen now?), about making a lovely lactose free queso for Nasser (crap we still need to go to the store for ingredients).

I don't know how to salvage it. Everyone is in a crappy mood now, maybe except for RG.

I guess I need to work on me first. Ugh that sounds hard. I want to just succumb to the tears and break down by myself upstairs. And maybe I still need to give in to that for some amount of time. Or maybe I could try the run. It's hard to not feel guilty about going for a run though when Nasser is feeling jetlagged. Is everything just going to be worse if I leave and will the benefits of the run be totally diminished by the lack of control we seem to have over today?

Sigh.

Today won't be perfect. We always hit some speed bumps when Nasser comes back from a trip. Maybe the kids and I got used to a routine while he was gone and that gets thrown off. Maybe we expect Daddy to be perfectly refreshed and energetic when he comes back, but that's almost never the case. If anything, usually he's tired out from late night or early morning travel (or, you know, 27 hours of long flights and airports from India), and usually he will have worked a TON on his trip and will be additionally exhausted from that. But then I have these expectations that he'll be ready to spend ALL day with the kids, I'll get lots of me time, we'll have perfect family moments. I don't know. It's all ridiculous. And in reality, we're all exhausted from the week, RG and TK (and I) have all kinds of things we want to catch Daddy up on, and there's never enough time or energy.

It'll be fine. The day isn't shot. My attitude was for awhile. But it will be fine.