I went for a run today, in the cold, overcast, light flurries, windy weather. The first two miles were really tough. I haven't run outside since last week's 9.39mi longest run ever run, although I did get 3mi in on a treadmill on Thursday. I don't know why exactly, but it felt like I had forgotten how to run. I was also running on the cul-de-sacs in the neighborhood for those first two miles so feeling better in the run may have coincided with the exit from the neighborhood. I ended up in some other neighborhoods across the street from ours and went further than I expected- 4.8mi. It was slow going but it felt good and my body and mind needed it.
Yesterday, we had another epic meltdown from TK on the way to the busstop to pick up RG. It was all so ridiculous, over the ending of tablet time, which is supposed to be a privilege not a right, but apparently I'm failing there. I felt horrible for a bit when I didn't see TK trip while I was waiting for the bus to get there; yeah I left him running behind because I was afraid we were going to be late again. And when I saw him sitting on the ground I thought he was just so mad at me. An older girl who had come off the bus asked him what happened and she told me about him tripping. Ooo, that hurt my ego. I didn't feel as bad for him when he was hitting me on the way back to the house. Sigh. Oh and he refused to come inside the house for a long time so I took a selfie of us.
Despite this meltdown, I didn't have an episode this time. Of course the circumstances around my mental state were more favorable yesterday than they were last week. Last week we remember I had just gotten my stinkin period. (For those of you just joining us, I talk freely about periods here. Yeah that's right, take a deep breath and deal). But then really in both situations, I'd been doing the right things for my depression, especially getting exercise. Oh isn't it fun to experiment on myself to see what factors really affect my mental health? (Since you can't catch my tone in a blog, I'm being sarcastic). Looking forward to starting up that low hormone birth control to regulate those darn hormones.
I'm really going on a decent streak of good days. That's probably part of why I haven't been blogging much. I have to remind myself to blog more on the good days.
This weekend is a bit more relaxing, but starting next weekend we are super busy until after Memorial Day. My 10miler is next Sunday, Mother's Day, we have a friend's crawfish boil and the opera on Saturday. Then the following weekend I have choir concerts. Then my friend Jigna comes back for a quick visit and a concert to Red Rocks and we next head to DC for a long weekend and my friend Pete's wedding. And then. (Whew. Almost there). We have the end of the school year and Memorial Day weekend with my Bolder Boulder 10k run.
I guess this weekend is kinda the calm before the storm. But I also don't want to start dreading the upcoming excitement. I recently refilled my anti-anxiety medication and I expect I'll be using it a bit more often during the next month. I can take it as often as once a day, but it's only ever been that often for like a 3 day stretch. The last prescription of 30 pills lasted me 3 years. But I wanted to be prepared for this upcoming craziness with a refill. Doing so makes me feel proactive. But I still have to remind myself that that's what that is. I have to remind myself that I should not feel shame in filling an anti-anxiety med prescription. Stupid stigma.
I could go on and on about stigma but I'm going to stop here. Need to start making dinner soon. We're going to have an Asian night- homemade egg drop soup and a noodle, veggie, and tofu stirfry.
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