Sunday, 04/03/16, 11:23am
There's something wrong with me. Something that's deeply ingrained in my personality, my neurological pathways are wired such that my thoughts are difficult to control. When someone says something to me, I almost always automatically see the worst in what they say. I do this even with Nasser a lot. I see judgement in everything that people say to me.
Unfortunately, the more I do this, the more it happens. Everytime my thoughts turn negative I make those neurological pathways stronger. At least, that's how I understand it, biologically speaking. Sometimes thinking about it in a biological sense can help me. Right now, since I'm borderline depressed, I just feel like I'm circling the drain, very slowly, but continuing to go down further and further. Not a very positive thought there, huh?
So let's go back to the positive part of the biological speak. Understanding that my brain is a bit more wired for negative thinking than most "normal" people, helps me to remember that depression is not my fault. That I'm not just too weak. Because as much as I claim to know and understand that depression is a disease, and not the fault of the person, I fall into that stupid stigma a lot still. And that makes me feel shameful about having depression and that makes me more depressed. It's like I have a worsened condition of depression BECAUSE of the stigma. Doesn't that majorly suck, people?
So it seems like the solution would be, cut down on that stigma. Not that easy right?
Trying to change someone's stigma is like trying to change an ingrained belief. Like say someone had a big problem with racially profiling others, right? Not that abnormal actually, which is extremely unfortunate about our society and our world. But that's a story for another day. Person A let's say, thinks person B is a bad person because they are X culture, Y sexual orientation, and/or Z religion, different from person A, who is U culture, V sexual orientation, and/or W religion. Most likely, person A grew up thinking that U, V, W were the right way to live, versus X, Y, Z. Trying to make person A change that thought to "X, Y, Z are different from what I know, but that's all, just different" is extremely difficult. Just like trying to change someone's political beliefs. Difficult, or perhaps, impossible in certain cases.
Most people grow up thinking that mental illness is wrong, not normal, and potentially dangerous. Unless they're extremely lucky to have extremely enlightened parents who block or combat the social and media messages their children get.
It's difficult to change that way of thinking unless you suffer or know someone who suffers from a mental illness (although sometimes knowing someone with mental illness can make that way of thinking more extreme I think, depending on the judgments you make about how that person is handling his or her illness).
It's hard. Not all mental illness cases are the same, even when they have the same diagnosis. Then there are spectrums of extremities. We all suffer a little or a lot differently.
But you know what? You look around at the people you know. Many of them have in the past or are currently suffering from a mental illness. Or maybe you will later in life. It's more normal than you think. And most of the time you don't know that certain people in your life are suffering. We get really good at hiding it, or at least, trying to hide it. Some of us decide that hiding it isn't the way to go and we become more open about it. For me, I've decided that's the best way to live with a mental illness, and the best way to do something about the stigma. Because maybe, just maybe, a few of my readers are starting to understand more about mental illness, and it's breaking down the stigma, little by little.
Maybe.
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