Thursday, July 14, 2016

just keep swimming, swimming, swimming

Thursday, 07/14/16, 10:14am

I've been in a pretty good stretch lately, as far as my depression goes. It's gotten close a few times in all the travel we've been doing lately, but not enough so that I would call it a full-blown episode. The grief of my brother-in-law's death is still there, though better.

Being in a good stretch is nice, wonderful, but I often feel a little guarded. There's this nagging feeling of will that depression hit right when I forget about it? And when I do forget about it, inevitably the depression hits. And oftentimes because I got comfortable, it hits harder than ever before. I hate that cycle of my illness. I mean, yes, I appreciate the good times and love that the depression isn't hitting then. But that downswing is tough.

We fly to San Diego tomorrow night. Yeah, another trip. It feels a little ridiculous now that we're living this, but as Nasser pointed out to me, the reason we booked so many activities and travel this summer is because I'm not working. We were really trying to take advantage of that.

There's been a fair amount of being at home too, in between trips and activities. Of course, the state of the house makes me feel like we haven't been here in ages. There are at least 3 suitcases, 2 backpacks, and several piles of clean clothes on my bedroom floor right now. I started some folding this morning, and I think that's what I need to tackle today. That plus a couple more loads of laundry, maybe some packing, hopefully some outside time (don't get me started on the state of our yard!), and maybe finally putting away the garment bag from the Adam funeral trip (it's still sitting on the back of a chair in our dining room).

I don't really have more to say today. Just keep swimming all.

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