Ugh. Blech. Today is not turning out to be the best day so far. Or even a good day, rather. I'm feeling rather down, after churning out a more positive blog post yesterday, and it's making me feel more stupid because of the positive post. Like what was I thinking, feeling all positive then? And it makes me feel like I shouldn't have canceled the treatment appointment I originally had scheduled for yesterday as a "just in case". I guess maybe I kinda did need it? Now I'm waiting until next Wednesday.
I dunno. I mean, it's not like I'm totally relapsed or something like that. I just feel down, and it's hard to use all the coping mechanisms I need to in order to pull myself out of this. I just... I dunno. All I really feel like doing today is distracting myself from feeling down by just doing other things and trying not to think about it.
It's hard.
I was trying to come up with things to do to feel better...
- take deep breaths
- blog
- read
I had trouble coming up with more, and I'm having trouble again.
Sigh, took a break from this, and am now attempting to come back to it. I've since eaten lunch, locked myself in the bedroom to get away from the people of my family because I can't handle anything right now, got some crying out; I messaged a small friends group we have for some "comfort" and have since received some amazing photos and meme-type labels of our friends' adorable little baby. It helped make me realize we have good friends. I guess it made me feel slightly more open to the idea of attempting the blog again, so that's good, right?
Sigh, this day, man.
I suppose I'm more open to blogging but don't know what to blog about. Although, one thing worth mentioning, having a mental illness in this world totally, utterly sucks, like big time. Most of the time, I don't feel comfortable talking about my mental illness, and you know, even when I do, it's limited, like what I feel comfortable talking about, who to, how much of the details to give. And I'm, well, a bit more open about it than most people with a mental illness. Do you know why it's so difficult to talk openly about it? It's because of the very, severely widespread stigma that exists. Like SEVERELY widespread. I don't think most people who display stigma about mental illness even realize that they do it. But a lot of people out there have little thoughts about mental illness, like "oh, if you'd just think more positively" or "oh, if you just ignored those thoughts". There's a ton more that qualify, but, honestly, part of the reason I'm not going to list out more examples, is thinking about stigma examples isn't going to help how I'm currently feeling.
It's difficult not to think the typical stigmatized thoughts about people with mental illness. And it probably doesn't help that we tend not to be all that open about what we're going through. So it's difficult to break down that stigma. Somebody like my husband, who hears most of the stuff I go through and most of the thoughts I have and struggles that exist for me day to day, usually bears a lot less of that stigma than the typical person, because really he gets it a lot more than others. But educating yourself about the struggles of mental illness, etc is something that's doable for anybody. There actually exist lots of reading materials, blogs like mine which give a more personal viewpoint, and maybe one of these days I'll try to find a fair amount of that and list them out here on the blog. Right now I'm not capable, too... down still. Sigh.
Alright, I think that's about all I can handle blogging today, mostly just to let you all know that despite my positivity yesterday, it isn't that every day. I'm still working at it, really really hard, and not giving up. Hopefully it's not just this up until I have my treatment again, hopefully this is a one day downer.
Sigh, took a break from this, and am now attempting to come back to it. I've since eaten lunch, locked myself in the bedroom to get away from the people of my family because I can't handle anything right now, got some crying out; I messaged a small friends group we have for some "comfort" and have since received some amazing photos and meme-type labels of our friends' adorable little baby. It helped make me realize we have good friends. I guess it made me feel slightly more open to the idea of attempting the blog again, so that's good, right?
Sigh, this day, man.
I suppose I'm more open to blogging but don't know what to blog about. Although, one thing worth mentioning, having a mental illness in this world totally, utterly sucks, like big time. Most of the time, I don't feel comfortable talking about my mental illness, and you know, even when I do, it's limited, like what I feel comfortable talking about, who to, how much of the details to give. And I'm, well, a bit more open about it than most people with a mental illness. Do you know why it's so difficult to talk openly about it? It's because of the very, severely widespread stigma that exists. Like SEVERELY widespread. I don't think most people who display stigma about mental illness even realize that they do it. But a lot of people out there have little thoughts about mental illness, like "oh, if you'd just think more positively" or "oh, if you just ignored those thoughts". There's a ton more that qualify, but, honestly, part of the reason I'm not going to list out more examples, is thinking about stigma examples isn't going to help how I'm currently feeling.
It's difficult not to think the typical stigmatized thoughts about people with mental illness. And it probably doesn't help that we tend not to be all that open about what we're going through. So it's difficult to break down that stigma. Somebody like my husband, who hears most of the stuff I go through and most of the thoughts I have and struggles that exist for me day to day, usually bears a lot less of that stigma than the typical person, because really he gets it a lot more than others. But educating yourself about the struggles of mental illness, etc is something that's doable for anybody. There actually exist lots of reading materials, blogs like mine which give a more personal viewpoint, and maybe one of these days I'll try to find a fair amount of that and list them out here on the blog. Right now I'm not capable, too... down still. Sigh.
Alright, I think that's about all I can handle blogging today, mostly just to let you all know that despite my positivity yesterday, it isn't that every day. I'm still working at it, really really hard, and not giving up. Hopefully it's not just this up until I have my treatment again, hopefully this is a one day downer.
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