I thought about blogging earlier when I had quite a bit of time, but now I'm in the mood to blog and I'll have to get the boys from the bus before finishing this post.
Also I wrote quite a bit before remembering what today is. Do you all know what today is, my dear readers? Today is my "blogiversary". I have no idea if that's a thing or not, but I'm calling it one. Last year, on November 7th, I wrote my very first post. And I'm not gonna link it for you. Because I just reread it and I feel ahem, like maybe I've come a long way? Yikes, I'm sure I still have a long way to go.
My kitty cat got me in the mood to blog today. Buddy the cat found me upstairs, looking at crockpot recipes for tomorrow, zoning out. I think we both needed some quality petting time. I feel like I've been neglecting him lately. Or maybe he's just good at making me feel like he desperately needs petting. That may be it.
We had Nasser's mom and stepfather in town this weekend, which was nice, but I felt awkward and ashamed and those stupid, irrational feelings, when I was down at various points in the weekend. I tend to feel that way around people when I feel depressed or anxious. Even though I desperately fight and hate the stigma around mental illness, I still stigmatize myself. Ugh. I hate that.
And it's not like either of them would judge me if I just talked openly about the depressed feelings over the weekend. But it's so hard to do that in the moment. Talking about it tends to open those flood gates of tears and could then even trigger a little further depression, or maybe that's just what I'm afraid of.
Nasser and I went to my psychiatric appointment together today. The outcome was the medication I'm on isn't doing enough to combat the anxiety and maybe my anti-anxiety med isn't a high enough dosage. Whew. More meds. But that's ok. That's not a failure. Right?
Sigh. No, it is not a failure.
I am definitely anxious about the election, cuz, ya know, that's tomorrow. Yikes. And I know I shouldn't get all worked about it, but it's kinda a big election.
Go vote people.
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