and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on

Monday, 08/08/16, 12:58pm, 2:05pm

I shared my last post on facebook, since I was "fulfilling the Love your Spouse Challenge". And, like most of the times when I share a bit more widely, I felt some of that vulnerability hangover that I've felt before. That sick to your stomach feeling of oh crap, I just shared some really honest things about myself! And the inevitable does everyone who reads my stuff just think I'm nuts and what they read confirms the stigma around mental illness? I hope not, but I don't often get much feedback. So far it's been all positive, but I wonder if the negative opinions have just been keeping their mouths shut not wanting to say it because they know I'm "delicate" with my emotions. More likely people don't know how to respond to the things I write about or don't feel comfortable doing so. And that's part of what I'd like to break down in writing about mental illness.

Is it a question of you don't know what to say? Personally, I just like knowing that there are people out there who care about my well-being, who support me with thoughts or prayers or good vibes. Whether that's a quick email/google chat/text/facebook message/+1 to the blog post to say how are things going today? Or just a smiley face to say thinking of you. It's hard to know how to support someone who is going through something so unfamiliar to you, or even familiar, but has a stigma. And supporting someone who is a bit emotionally volatile. I guess I am that, although it's hard to admit.

It was hard to support Adam, my brother-in-law who many know suffered from schizophrenia. He was often emotionally volatile, and there were the added side effects of his illness; you often competed with the voices in his head.

Sometimes supporting is staying out of that person's issues until called on for support. Sometimes it's offering kind words on a random day. Sometimes it's watching their kids for them to get in a run or bike ride or therapy appointment. Sometimes it's sitting with them while they cry. Sometimes it's chatting electronically so that they can hide their lows comfortably.

For those of you out there who worry about me but aren't sure how to express it, please know that I am trying as hard as I feel I can when it comes to my mental health treatment. I get that the state of my well-being sometimes is scary, but those times don't magically disappear with a pill, even if it's the right one. I'm working on it, we're working on it, and support from you means the world to me and helps me improve.

Lots of love to all my readers, wherever you may be. I hope that you all have a strong support network for the struggles you go through in life, whatever they may be. Whatever support I may provide in writing, I hope to provide it. I am humbled by those who have told me they find comfort in my words, and only wish to continue doing so. If you are having a tough day or hour or year, it's often hard to remember that it gets better. But it's true, it gets better.  And if it doesn't, get help. From those who love you, from the girl blogger from cloud cuckoo land, if there's any way for her to help. ;)