Wednesday, 02/17/16, 3:01pm
Someone recently referred to my depression as "more severe" (than someone else's). I wasn't offended by the term, just well, curious. I suppose I've never really classified my depression as minor/major/severe/etc. Certainly I am "more severe" than some, but less severe than others. I get my bad moments, mornings, evenings, whole days. Sometimes, like a few days ago, it can last over a 2-day stretch, but that is more rare. Some people who suffer from depression go for much much longer stretches, weeks on end where it takes enormous effort to get out of bed. From my point of view, that sounds so so hard, and I'm not sure I'd be able to handle it. But in general I guess, we, as a human race, handle what we're dealt. Before I was diagnosed with depression, it never occurred to me that I could handle a mental illness, but I do. I do it every day in the preventative things I do (therapy, meds, exercise, blogging, mindfulness). And when I'm dealt with an episode, I (and Nasser usually) have to handle it because it's there.
It's almost a little hard to blog right now, because my last post had me in such a terrible state. I feel a little embarrassed and ashamed after putting all that out there. But I guess I "dared greatly" by putting it out there, right?
I do wonder sometimes about putting all this out there. I wonder sometimes if I'm constantly repeating myself, because I do go through cycles. I have an episode, I recover, I reflect, I hopefully learn, and I continue. But it's not like the episodes stop, or I suspect, ever will. I've recently read in a couple different articles about people with mental illness being "in recovery". And I wonder what that means with regards to someone like me. Everytime I get an episode, am I "out of recovery"? I suppose you can take different meanings from it. Maybe an episode only qualifies as "out of recovery" if I have suicidal thoughts? Or maybe I was only "out of recovery" when I spent time in the hospital?
In general, I guess I would call myself "in recovery" because for me, it is decently well managed. I am not without my episodes, but I keep chugging along. If you look at who I am today versus who I was when I was first diagnosed, I may not appear too different from the outside, but I've changed a lot. I continually add to my toolbox of coping skills (for which I did not even have a toolbox when I was first diagnosed, or at least not one I ever consciously thought about). I am at a point where I try to help others with similar conditions. Because mental illness is so stigmatized and not talked about, the most important coping mechanism, having a good support network (family, friends, mental health professionals), is greatly hurt. We need to talk about this more because the best way to support someone is to make sure they know you're there for them. (All you wonderful people in my life who have recently opened up to me about your own struggles with a mental illness, I do hope you all know that I am here for you, whenever you need.) How can you show support if we don't talk about it?
But that damn stigma. We need everyone to understand that it is not weak to struggle with depression or anxiety or emotional eating or substance abuse or schizophrenia or bipolar disorder or whatever the name we attach to these mental illnesses. It is not weak to need help in these struggles. It is not weak to need or want to go to therapy. It is not weak to need medicine in the treatment of a mental illness. (Seriously, why do people still think that and judge others or themselves for needing antidepressants or the like????)
Mental illness is not weak.
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