And we're getting another post out of me tonight.
My brother-in-law, Adam, has paranoid schizophrenia. He was diagnosed about 3 1/4 years ago, when he was 20 years old, although he had symptoms for a little while before that (don't know exactly when they started but I think it was at least a year and half of symptoms prior to diagnosis). The last 3 1/4 years have been a rollercoaster for him and his family of reasonable calm, struggles with substance abuse, taking medications, not taking medications, hospital stays, arguments, police involvement, and some homelessness.
It sucks.
He and the rest of Nasser's family, including one set of grandparents, live in the Chicago, Illinois area (where we both grew up). Being so far away, we are so much less involved in all the crises surrounding Adam's illness. And yet, the emotional tole it takes watching everything happen (getting involved through phone calls/ emails/ research/ support) is about as much as I can actually handle.
He recently completed a substance abuse/ mental health inpatient program. And he was back living with my mother-in-law afterward. We talked briefly with him in a video call on his birthday, just before Thanksgiving, and he seemed, good. Quite good. I think I got my hopes up good. We haven't really heard much about how he's doing since the program until today.
So far all I know is he's back in the hospital. Haven't yet gotten ahold of anyone there who knows the details and is available to talk. So we wait. And prepare our emotions. He's back in the hospital again. I've lost count the number of hospital stays, let alone the number of days he's spent in the hospital. One visit lasted a full month.
Part of me feels a really strong connection with Adam since we both struggle with a mental illness, but most of the similarities end there. I guess I have the "easier" or "milder" illness; I certainly can function well on more days and hide my illness more easily. And yet, I understand things about his illness differently (not necessarily more or better) than others who don't deal with a mental illness of their own. I certainly understand some portion of hospital stays from a more similar viewpoint as his. I so feel for him, because I know that hospital stays aren't peachy. They are humbling, they are anxiety inducing, they are prison-like in many of their restrictions, and they keep you there until you are "better" enough to go back out into the world. And most of the time that you're there, you really would rather not be, which makes it so hard to actually get "better" mentally. (We need to change this somehow in our fix of the mental health system in the United States).
I'm so sad that Adam is back in the hospital so quickly after completing this program we all had such high hopes for. I'm so sad that his illness causes him to think he doesn't need his medications. I'm so sad.
Before Adam was diagnosed, but after his mom was pretty sure what was going on, I read an incredibly enlightening book called The Center Cannot Hold, written from the perspective of Elyn Saks, who has struggled with schizophrenia for several decades, but has managed to succeed as a college professor and lawyer.
It's an amazing yet heavy read. I find her story one that gives hope for leading a successful life, as well as hope that we can improve the mental healthcare across the globe. Elyn Saks lived through some horrific inpatient experiences in both England and the United States in the 1960s and 70s, which helped inspire her to become an advocate for the psychiatric patient, from a legal perspective. Her TED talk (https://www.ted.com/talks/elyn_saks_seeing_mental_illness?language=en) was an inspiration to all of us except Adam. He thought she was "crazy". Different perspectives, I guess.
I wish we had an easy cure for mental illness. And some day, maybe we will. I still hold out hope for something, maybe not easy, but something.
I keep chugging along in my small part to break down that stigma though. My new purpose. For me. For Adam. For everyone struggling with a mental illness.
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